Essay 7 of 12

The Magic Bullet

“We are not a glum lot… We absolutely insist on enjoying life.”
— Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 132

In this chapter we will be considering the path of alcoholics, addicts, and those with other afflictions including over-indulgence in gambling, overeating, debt, sex, and so on. The issue here is the question of precisely what happens when a new member first attends a 12-step meeting, and wonders:

How did these people get so happy?

Alcoholics Anonymous ["AA"], and Narcotics Anonymous ["NA"] (along with all "12-step programs") have twelve steps and twelve traditions. The steps are for recovery and the traditions are guidelines for how the program operates. For example, the Third Tradition states that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking (AA) or using (NA). Both programs, and all 12-step programs (Gamblers Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, etc.) have essentially the same steps and traditions; only the overt behavior changes.

The reason for focusing on these programs is simple: The practices involved face the most formidable – even intimidating — path of establishing happiness as may be encountered in any context, because they are implemented among people who, as a group, have fallen farther than most others. Generally speaking (there are exceptions such as court-ordered attendance), one does not surrender to a 12-step program without first having been thoroughly whipped.

Nonetheless, if you ever get the chance to attend a meeting, you will find yourself in the presence of people who are smiling and laughing, and the inevitable question must, at some point, arise: "How could they possibly have arrived at this state of happiness from where they started?"

The 12-steps, when practiced assiduously, are collectively an exceedingly powerful intervention. They are comprised of a definitive collection of spiritual principles (trust, open-mindedness, honesty, forgiveness, etc.) which are specific, yet the framework within which they are practiced is left up to the individual. For example, the steps do not mention “God” – rather, they refer to “God as we understood Him,” meaning that the individual gets to “choose his own God.” The spiritual principles remain firm, yet there is elasticity in how they are put into action, depending on the individual circumstances and the guidance he receives from others in the program.

Primary Purpose

The 12-step concept, is, at its essence, a program of happiness. Certainly, if one accepts that “happiness” is a potential definition of, or synonym for, “sobriety,” or similar concepts, then happiness is its goal. For example, with regard to AA or NA, neither program asserts that the cessation of drinking or using is the true objective. Instead, the true objective is a state of mind that supplants the urge to drink or use drugs. Thus, for example, the Fifth Tradition states that “Our primary purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic/addict who still suffers.” Nowhere is it stated that the primary purpose is to get others to stop drinking or using.

Thus we are considering how members of these groups are able to so effectively “ascend” the “scale” or “ladder” of happiness – not simply how they are able to abstain from substance abuse.

An interesting observation, though, may be made regarding the twelve steps: The first eleven steps start with “We…” and describe some activity – centered on at least one of the aforementioned spiritual principles -- that has a positive impact on the psychological well-being or growth of the individual. However, the final, twelfth step, instead of starting with “We…,” starts with “Having had a spiritual awakening…,” meaning that, since now we are spiritually “fit” as a result of the first eleven steps, we are ready to “carry this message to other alcoholics (AA)/addicts (NA) and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” [Step 12]. In other words, we are now qualified, as a result of a spiritual awakening, to perform the program’s primary purpose – to try to help others and alleviate suffering.

The Magic Bullet: Helping Others

What I believe is most important here is the notion that, by virtue of how the steps and traditions are written, helping others clearly rises to the top priority in these programs, without any apparent difference of opinion on this issue. As stated previously, this viewpoint was established among people who have suffered beyond description – indeed, what the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book refers to as “pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.” [p. 30] Yet “helping others” reigns at the pre-eminent spot on the agenda for establishing this life of happiness for them.

Consider this quote from the Big Book referring to AA members losing interest in money, property and prestige: “Being wrecked in the same vessel, being restored and united under one God, with hearts and minds attuned to the welfare of others, the things which matter so much to some people no longer signify much to them. How could they?” [p. 161]

How do these people become so happy? The chief clue here is “with hearts and minds attuned to the welfare of others.” Thinking of others is the key.

Read that again: Thinking of others is the key.

In the Big Book, none of the twelve steps is given an entire chapter except the twelfth step. The Chapter is entitled “Working With Others” and it starts in the very first sentence telling us that nothing is as potent a force as working with others. Nothing. And that includes prayer, meditation, and everything else that “spiritual” people do: “Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail.” [p. 89]

We are being told, by people who know grief and darkness more than anyone else can, who now know how to be happy, that there is nothing more effective than helping others. This is not being reported to us by scientists, researchers, social science experts, psychologists – no, this is coming from deep in the trenches, from men and women who are now happy but who have known sorrow and despair far better than most.

Let’s keep this one simple. The question is how to be happy and the answer is this: Nothing works as well as helping others. And it is not important to just do it – it is also crucial that we live “with hearts and minds attuned to the welfare of others” – hearts and minds, not just action. We have to care and we have to get into action.

Honorable Mention

As a strong contender for second place here, consider the following from another AA text entitled Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Notice the phrase “profoundly happy” in the very first line.

Satisfactions of Right Living

How wonderful is the feeling that we do not have to be specially distinguished among our fellows in order to be useful and profoundly happy. Not many of us can be leaders of prominence, nor do we wish to be.

Service gladly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles well accepted or solved with God's help, the knowledge that at home or in the world outside we are partners in a common effort, the fact that in God's sight all human beings are important, the proof that love freely given brings a full return, the certainty that we are no longer isolated and alone in self-constructed prisons, the surety that we can fit and belong in God's scheme of things -- these are the satisfactions of right living for which no pomp and circumstance, no heap of material possession, could possibly be substitutes.

[Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, P. 124]

Service gladly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles well accepted or solved with God’s help, the knowledge that at home or in the world outside we are partners in a common effort, the fact that in God’s sight all human beings are important, the proof that love freely given brings a full return, the certainty that we are no longer isolated and alone in self-constructed prisons, the surety that we can fit and belong in God’s scheme of things — these are the satisfactions of right living for which no pomp and circumstance, no heap of material possession, could possibly be substitutes.
[Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, P. 124]

Comment:

Money, property and prestige – let it all go! Happiness cannot be found there. Instead, look to the peaceful satisfaction of a life well-lived, in service to others. Moreover, there is the knowledge that in doing so, one is comfortably fitting into a divine plan. Once one becomes part of this “flow,” things begin to fall into place in the most agreeable manner, and happiness is effortlessly realized.

For those who are especially interested in this topic, there is a transcription of a series of AA workshops conducted by a highly-regarded member (now deceased) known as “Chuck C.” which has been transcribed and published in book form as A New Pair of Glasses. The book is out of print and now quite rare, but in it, Chuck describes what happened to his business when he simply concentrated on helping others. His summary? “They made me rich!”

The bottom line is this: Concentrate on helping others and it will result in even more success than would have been realized by a more conventional style of business in which one simply looks out for himself.

The Great Fact

Here happiness is provided in a complete package – it almost makes one want to start drinking heavily in order to join! (The Third Tradition requires a desire to stop drinking as the only requirement for membership…). In the AA Big Book there is a chapter entitled “A Vision for You” where, at the conclusion, it describes what it calls “The Great Fact,” which is as follows: “This is the Great Fact for us. See to it that your relationship with Him is right and great events will come to pass for you and countless others.” My suspicion is that this is from where much of the observed happiness derives…

The Range-Frequency Theory of Happiness

It may be that we derive happiness in some form as a result of comparing our conditions to those who are in a less favorable ones. This is sheer speculation at present insofar as it applies to those in 12-step groups, but it warrants consideration, if only for the sake of exploring the relationship between relevant theories of happiness and its actual realization.

When I was a graduate student at UCLA in the psychology department, there was a professor there named Allen Parducci. His “Range-Frequency” Theory of Happiness goes like this:

We all establish an internal scale of happiness, with a minimum lower baseline point and a maximum upper one. Briefly, the lower point is the worst you reasonably expect, and the upper one is the best you expect. That establishes a midpoint – midway between the endpoints -- which is where reactions are experienced as neutral. Events/experiences are perceived as either unpleasant – unhappy – when they are perceived to be on the negative (left) side of the midpoint and are seen as pleasant -- happy -- when they are perceived to be on the positive (right) side.

When the endpoints move – say, an extremely happy event occurs, moving the positive endpoint farther to the right – or a terrible event occurs, shifting the negative endpoint farther to the left – the midpoint adjusts along with it in order to remain at mid-center between the endpoints. Typically, however, what actually shifts the endpoints and the midpoint are not one-time “events” but rather a continuing series of events that you are used to experiencing.

Thus, it is the location of the endpoints, and in turn the midpoint, which determines where events fall on the scale, and thus whether the events are perceived to be unhappy (left side) versus happy (right side).

Exemplars/discussion

Here’s an example to illustrate: Let’s say you decide to become a backpacker or a camper, carrying dehydrated food as you hike through the wilderness for days at a time. You become used to eating meals from this dehydrated food. Lunch may be foods which do not perish quickly, such as salami, nuts, raisins, and powdered lemonade. After two weeks, you come out of the end of the trail, find your car, drive to the nearest town, and order a pizza. The pizza now tastes like some of the best food you have ever eaten.

What happened? The less enjoyable food that you became used to eating (the dehydrated food) established a new negative endpoint which was farther to the left – the negative side -- than you were used to. The negative endpoint moved to the left, and so did the midpoint, meaning that the ordinary pizza -- which never moved -- was now, by comparison, farther to the right of the midpoint, and consequently experienced as tasting better.

Now consider going on a luxury cruise, with buffets that include all gourmet food, all the time. Breakfasts included fresh juice and berries, custom-made waffles, eggs benedict, and so on. When the cruise is over, your local street diner no longer serves food that attracts you anymore. What happened? The positive endpoint moved to the right, and the midpoint along with it; the food that you were used to as neutral is now in the negative territory with respect to the midpoint’s new location.

So, perception of happy and unhappy will depend on where the events fall in relation to the location of the midpoint. This location is established by your expectations of what is reasonable to expect for positive and negative events.

I talked to Byron Katie this morning (see the Chapter entitled “Cutting Through Egoic Thought Patterns”) and I asked her some questions about how to do The Work. She started talking about how she is grateful because “I can walk; I can talk.” -- a beautiful example of pulling that negative endpoint to the left. This is what one would expect to hear from someone who has just healed from a catastrophic accident and no longer is bound to a wheelchair.

If I am brain damaged and cannot walk or talk, my lower (left) endpoint in the scale has been reduced to such a low point (with the midpoint dragged along with it), that many points which used to be near-neutral are now in the positive zone; I can be grateful for virtually anything. Similarly, if I am a 12-year old Bedouin boy who has just crossed the desert on a camel, has run out of water, and someone gives me fresh lemonade with ice, I will remember it for the rest of my life (remember that scene in Lawrence of Arabia at the British officer’s bar? “He likes your lemonade!”). His left endpoint of the scale has been dragged so far to the left that iced lemonade -- normally mildly pleasant -- turns into a religious experience.

Implications for our happiness

What if I were grateful to be able to walk and talk? How could I even do that? I could earnestly picture in my mind what it would be like to experience a debilitating injury or illness that is characterized by an inability to perform these bodily functions, or even just volunteer to work with these types patients who have these types of injuries or illnesses. This would shift my midpoint farther to the left, causing more events to be in the positive (right hand) side, thereby becoming experienced as happy when they were formerly neutral, and typically neutral events (like walking and talking) are now joyous.

What if I wanted to be grateful to have hot and cold running water? I could think about tribal children in third world countries who have to carry water from the river for a mile in order to have any water at all in their homes.

The idea is simply that in order to make everyday events into ones that generate happiness, one need only continually shift the left endpoint farther into the negative, taking the midpoint to the left along with it, causing more events that were previously neutral or near-neutral to be in the right-hand side (positive area) on the scale. This shift is accomplished by the experiencing, or quasi-experiencing (envisioning/imagining) of negative events, living conditions, and so on, causing more of one’s own “normal” events and conditions in life to be perceived in a much more positive light, i.e., to the right of the midpoint.